Monday, March 21, 2011

Where I go all introspective and self-obsessed on you - feel free to skip this post and do something way more useful, like go order Season 4 of MadMen. I won't be offended.

The mangolime stocking on Wednesday night took off slowly. By this I mean I didn't sell out in 15 minutes. I know. I know. I am ridiculous. (But in context, my driving test I took when I was 25 (25!) was the first test I had ever failed. So I set a high bar. Its vomitous - I am the first to admit it. I do need to point out that I did pass on the second go. Taking the test in Darwin rather than inner-Sydney city may have helped, a bit.)

Its just that every other stocking I have had since mangolime opened a year ago has sold out so quickly, literally in minutes, so of course i was left feeling like something was going wrong. Why doesn't everyone love my stuff anymore? What is going on? Should I quit? Is this worth it? Maybe I don't wanna keep doing this? Really it was a Veruca Salt moment which Mr Mango refused to indulge, repairing downstairs to watch TV with nary a backward glance and a parting comment "Don't worry, check it again in the morning".

So. Feel free to roll your eyes at this point and write me off as an obsessive perfectionist with nothing better to worry about.

But....the thing about handmade is that you put a lot of love into each piece you make, and somehow, it becomes very attached to you and who you are and how you see yourself, and then if someone likes it or not that can get all mixed up with other issues of ego and...well I guess you see what I mean. I pride myself on making stuff that I like, and then hoping others will like it too. This is a different strategy to making stuff that I know is popular or stuff that people ask me to make because they saw someone else wearing something similar. I have such precious little time to create that if I am not making stuff with fabrics that I absolutely love, the fun is not there for me.

Sometimes this feels totally right. But sometimes (like when a stocking is not zooming) you feel unsure of yourself, and start talking to yourself in a neurotic Woody Allen kind of way.

Of course, over the next couple of days the orders dribbled in, and each time my ego was repaired that little but more. (And now there's only a couple of things left). And then a few days ago I ran a giveaway on facebook asking people to tell me what they liked about mangolime. This is a sure fire cure for any insecurity I tell ya! People are so so nice when you ask them to be! DUH. I did then float around for the next 24 hours feeling much loved and very very special. Slightly artificial, I know, But then some of the best highs are, right?

Now I know in the scheme of things this is nothing. Less than nothing. God I can't even believe I am writing about this given what is going on in the world. But it also feels sort of good to come clean. Thank you for listening. You have done your good deed for the day getting to the end of this post!


  1. We've all been there!

    PS Say hi to Mr Mango! (Is that Mr Magoo spelled wrong?)

  2. i know what you mean. it's easy to start doubting yourself and i think the most important thing is that you are making things that please you. that's what makes your stuff attractive in the first place is that you loved making it. that's what i think anyway. forge on girl!